Crumbly skin.



My 4 year old, Caden, has a way with words. This is actually an understatement. What he has, is, a tangled , warped , invented vocabulary that leaves me at times, cringing in my shoes or breaking apart from laughter. He is one of those people who makes up a word to go with the thing he wants to tell you about, if he has no idea what the thing is really called. The thing that is REALLY great is when he chooses to practice new words in public. Mostly always at someone else's expense. Examples follow.


Target or the market, said with obvious amazment/joy in his voice: "OH WOW MOM!!! THAT LADY HAS THE BIGGEST BUTT I EVER SAW!!!! COOL!!!" - These types of vocalizations are usually followed with my hand clamping over his mouth and my face and neck turning a hot , burning firey red color as I apologize to anyone in earshot who MIGHT have been either the object of his statement , or offended by it. A hasty departure from the store often comes next.


This was at Burger King: " BUT MOM I CAN'T EAT!! ME and my BLACK ( did you hear the echo in this place, Mom? I did...) FRIEND ARE PLAYING COPS." ( One quick glance in the friend's mother's direction and I realize she thinks *I* refer to people on the basis of skin color. She just doesn't know my kid.)



At the ballpark, where my family spends an inordinate amount of time watching the oldest play baseball:


"WOW MOM SOMEONE'S BREATH REALLLY SMELLS LIKE POOP!!!!! SMELL THAT??? WOW!!" (More mom-cringing and trying to clamp the mouth. He is getting really good at pulling my hand off so he can finish his verbal attacks.)




I forget where we were for this one... but at this point, does it really matter anymore?

"MOM? MOM?? WHY IS THAT MAN'S FACE ALL CRUMBLY LIKE THAT? Uh... HE LOOKS LIKE HE NEEDS TO GO TO THE DOCTOR OR SUMPIN." ( Sigh. Clamp. Blush. Leave immediately.)



I love this one, especially in a really nice, expensive restaurant ( which we do not get to do much anymore):



"HEY MOM... I POOTED. HAHAHAHAHAH!! YOU CAN SMELL IT!!" ( as can everyone within 12 feet of our table. This one might precede two or three nearby patrons asking the service person for a seating change. Whattya gonna do?)

Lately, Caden's 2 year old sister has been pulling up the rear for him with his vocal observations. Her best trick right now is making whatever embarassing thing he just said, stereo. So I have to hear it twice. Maybe 3 times if my 11 year old asks " Geez, Mom!!! WHAT did he SAY?!!?"


Brown liquor, anyone? :)